Another Day of Acting Class; Trying to Find “My Voice” (2/13/2020)

Today was… a productive day absolutely, but I definitely still feel frustrated; like I’m way behind where I want to be when it comes to my acting class. Like I literally went to college for acting, and I still can’t seem to be where I should be. I mean, I know that I haven’t acted in a good year or two, besides the showcase of course, but the fact of the matter is I feel behind, and it’s not a great feeling. I know I have a ways to go, but all the same… it’s frustrating. Now to actually be productive and talk about what went down today- I mean I wanted to get up around 12:30 and go to the gym; you know, start my day all proper-like. However, the fact that I stayed up until like 5:30 yesterday, writing two blog posts, definitely bit me in the ass. I originally woke up today around like, 10AM or something, to Julian and Andrew watching Lego Masters; I think they were blowing up legos in this episode or something. All I heard was something about using dynamite, I don’t know. Falling back asleep, I did wake back up to my alarm around 12:30, but I fell in and out of sleep a bit, finally properly waking up at 1:30; a bit later than I’d have preferred, but that’s okay. Finally getting up and moving a bit after 2PM, I heated up the leftover General Tso’s chicken I made, sitting down in the living room to eat it while chatting with Julian, who was working from home today. Even though I knew that I should go to the gym today, with the weather outside being so crappy, I didn’t feel like I really had the energy to go and work out, despite me working to go every Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday. Now this did change when I got a text from Natalie, saying that she was babysitting, so we’d be meeting up around 6:20; I wasn’t sure if we’d even have class today, but with that confirmed as well… I had to go to the gym. If I’m going to be walking around shirtless, I want to at least have hit the gym, you know?

Quickly walking the couple avenues to the gym, wearing shorts and a jacket because why wear pants when I’m just going to change back out of them, getting to Blink a bit after 3:20. I stayed for honestly a solid hour, starting with my usual 10 minute warm-up on the treadmill, before hitting the machines. I did run into my trainer Jonah, who had me put in my email into his iPad, so he could send me the workouts he wrote out for me; exciting stuff to be honest with you. Unfortunately, it took a bit for it to arrive via Gmail, so I just did my own workout in lieu of his. I focused mostly on my arms and back today, doing a couple of the warm-ups he showed me, like the single arm cable row, along with others that I truly don’t know the name of. It’s taking a while, but I’m think I’m slowly getting more fit; which I think is super exciting. I even inspired a coworker to go to the gym, after posting a picture onto my Insta story. Now even though I was happy with what I got done, it was already 4:30 and I desperately needed to get home to get ready, so I rushed back to my apartment, taking the 45 minutes I had to shower and get ready before heading off to the train. Now I ended up catching the 5:45 4 to Atlantic Ave. Barclays Center, transferring to the Q to get up to Manhattan; it took a bit of time, but soon enough I was at 34th St. and headed towards the studio; I do wanna say that I actually ended up taking a nap on the train, but thankfully I woke up right before we were leaving 34th St.; man that would’ve been awkward.

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Finally getting into the studio and meeting up with Natalie at 6:25, I got changed into my swimming trunks and we started rehearsing- after I slipped the $30 under the owner of the space’s door of course. Now despite us only having 30 minutes to really go back over everything, I think it was still a good rehearsal; we worked much better through the awkwardness of the scene, and I thought it was getting where it needed to be. At 7PM everyone else came in and class finally began. Alex had her scene first today, which went well; of course Jayd gave notes and everything, but I still think they’re sitting in a good place overall. After taking a short break it was finally time for Natalie and I to start up our scene, so my shirt came off at last and we got started; I did have to push through some laughing at the start- the workout I was doing at the beginning of the scene- but other than that we pushed on through. I felt… okay with how it went today, but I’m still working to get a handle on Nicky, you know? Like, there were definitely moments where I felt in it, and there were moments where I just… didn’t. Natalie talked about how it went for her first, and when it was my turn… I don’t know. I mean I made sure not to spiral, but I still felt like I was missing something. Then Jayd said something that I wasn’t expecting, which was that there were times where I was not using “my voice”, my guess being that I was putting on a caricature. Now he did say “when someone doesn’t have much of any training”, which stung a bit because I did go to college for four years studying acting, but I guess it’s not showing, which speaks to how far I have to go, you know? I thought in my four years at FDU I really learned something, and I know I became a better actor; I know how to handle rejection and criticism better because of that class. But I also know which areas I’m lacking, and it has definitely been a minute since I really honed my skills. I don’t know, maybe it’s something to bring up to Jayd, maybe it isn’t worth my time stressing, but of course I’m frustrated when week after week I feel like we’re just not nailing it; and it’s probably because of me. Okay, I almost spiraled there, sorry gotta pull myself back real quick.

*Breathes* Now then, something interesting happened when we ran it again, with Jayd immediately calling me out when I wasn’t using my voice, and him telling me to “just be myself”. I think what happened to me was that I got him saying that Nick is supposed to be suave and charming guy, so I created this caricature to help portray that; now that I know the circumstances better, I think it’s beginning to be easier and easier to just… be myself in the scene, you know? Or be Nicky, by bringing myself into this said imaginary circumstance. Now with all of this lecturing and teaching, with me just listening and trying to absorb everything it was time at last to leave; it was already almost 10PM! Walking with Natalie to Penn Station, her giving me some, honestly much needed self assurance, before she got on the uptown A and I eventually caught the next downtown A towards the World Trade Center. I got off at Chambers St., walking over to Eataly, picking up some flowers for 3B- it’s a bigger bouquet than I was expecting, but that’s okay- and heading on home at last. I made it back to my apartment a little after 11PM, and with Julian soon enough heading off to bed, Andrew and I stayed up making the loaded brownies for 3B, along with watching My Hero as I cooked up the chicken fried rice I bought from Trader Joes for both of us; damn was it good. With Andrew finally finishing Season 3, I headed off to my room and ended up playing League for two hours or so, along with finishing up season 1 of Brooklyn 99, and now I’m writing this blog! Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, which may be exciting for some, but with the plethora of reservations streaming in for dinner… it’s gonna be a busy day; kill me. Despite all of that, I do hope I work a busier section and make damn good money; I need some positives here.

Until next time,

Michael

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**God look at that sunset tonight though; holy moly it’s gorgeous**

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