Slow Start, But Staying on Track; Finally Going Back to Class! (1/28/2020)

You know, I have this real problem when it comes to starting projects- whether it be working out, a new game, a tv show, whatever- where I start out strong, but it all peeters out pretty damn quickly. Frankly I’ve definitely been worried about that happening this time around when it comes to the gym; like I dunno what it is, but when it comes to the gym, with it being “so far away”- aka under a 10 minute walk from my apartment- I feel less of a drive to actually go. Maybe that’s why I never went for the first 1.5 years I’ve been here in New York; maybe that’s the reason why I never went to the free gym at my college for basically the four years I went there. Or maybe it’s the fact that I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing, and as such I don’t want to look like a complete fool. I’ve always been a skinnier guy, and adding onto the fact that I don’t go to the gym, so I’ve never known proper technique… I’ve always been nervous about looking like a fool. I know no one give a shit, but I do, you know? Today I really could’ve fallen back into that. I debated for a while whether I should just stay in; install the wall mount I have for my TV, along with the shelf to go underneath it. But instead of that, even though it was later on in the day, I went. I got my ass up out of my bed, and I went to the gym. For about 30 minutes sure, but the fact is I went, and I’m grateful for that. I know that persisting and going to the gym consistently will be a bit of an issue, and maybe there will be days that I don’t feel like going, but despite that I’m going to do my best to actually ignore those thoughts and go all the same, because I want to better myself. I want to look in the mirror and be happy about what I see. Feel stronger, healthier. I definitely have other habits that need to change, like the fact that I eat waaaay too many cookies, but I’ll get there. One step at a time.

To break down what actually happened today though, I woke up at noon, because I wanted to make sure that Rey was officially covering my shift today. I didn’t want to be laying around my apartment, only to find out at 2PM that I was still scheduled to come in, and getting texts from managers wondering where I’m at. Thankfully there was a message from Homebase, confirming that I was in fact, not working today, so I was able to fall back asleep for a bit. Well, I should’ve fallen right back asleep, but the fact of the matter is that I ended up just, looking at social media for a good 45 minutes, finally settling back down around 1PM. I am glad I went back to sleep though, because I was feeling a bit off; I definitely needed a bit more sleep to feel truly rested and ready for the day. With my alarm waking me back up just after 2PM, I should’ve gotten right up and got my day started; Unfortunately that wasn’t the case. What ended up happening was I laid in bed for a good hour or so, before finally finding the energy to actually leave my bed and start the day. By the time I got dressed, grabbed my things, and headed off towards the gym, it was already 3:50. I mean, I spent a good 30 minutes just debating if I should even go to the gym at all today- Why not just stay in? It’s just one day! I need to install the wall mount for my TV at some point, maybe I should just do that! But no, I ignored the many excuses my brain tried to make, and I went.

Getting to the gym right before 4PM, I headed into the men’s bathroom, got changed, and headed onto the treadmill to start my workout. I only ran for 12.5 minutes, but a couple of minutes in I decided instead of just running at a high speed constantly, I’d juggle between 4 for 30 seconds, and then 10 for a solid minute; for the final minute I even pushed it to 12 instead of 10, just for that extra push. Honestly it was definitely different, but it felt good to do, especially for the fact that I was only doing it for a small period of time. After cooling down from that, I headed over to the weights, doing a quick stretch before grabbing a kettlebell and doing a couple reps of different workouts there. After that I did a couple reps of the leg raise, before heading over to the leg extension machine and doing a rep there. I wanted to do a bit more work with my arms, but the machines were being used, so I decided against it. Right as I was finishing up I saw my trainer, who was glad to see me in the gym on my own; as I chatted with him, I decided that would definitely be the point where I should take my exit. At the end of it, it’s not like I did a TON today, you know? But at least I did something, and most importantly, I went to the gym and tried doing it on my own; something I definitely couldn’t have said a year ago.

Finally leaving Blink, I headed over to Subway to grab a sandwich, drink, and two cookies, before heading home, eating, and beginning to get ready for tonight. I mean, the class started at 7PM, which meant I should definitely try and get there around 6:45-6:50. By the time I was ready to go, it was already 6:02, so I hurried out, jogging to the train station and catching the next 3 headed uptown. Now normally I’d just catch the 4 and transfer, but since the class was on 29th between 7th and 8th Ave, just catching the 3 seemed to be the smartest option. I was definitely a bit worried that the commute would take too long, but thankfully for me I ended up arriving at Penn Station by 6:46, and after hurrying down to 29th St., I made it into the building and up to the studio just after 6:50. When I got there, at the same time as another person taking the class, there was only one other person, maybe two, that had arrived. After saying a brief hello to Jayd, I headed into the studio to grab a seat, and just after 7PM, with all seven of us showing up today there and accounted for, we began. I will mention that Chernin is taking the class with me, but she wasn’t able to make the meeting tonight, so I’ll see her in the next class- or next week’s class, if I’m not able to get Thursday off.

As class began, we immediately started with our monologues; I decided to just do the monologue I did for the audition- aka the one I got my Agent with, and it went fine; I mean I know that piece like the back of my hand, and can definitely do it whenever, wherever. But in all honesty I think I’ve taken that piece about as far as I want to take it. Sure there are some small intricacies I can tweak, but for what I want to take from this class… this monologue is not going to help me as much. Now watching the other actors do their monologues… wow. I mean there are some incredibly talented people in this class. Honestly, despite being so comfortable with my monologue, I was a bit intimidated by all these people, which what seems to be leagues more experience than I have, performing monologues with so much more soul and depth. Despite how seemingly overwhelming that is, I honestly got even more excited to take this class; I want to improve and hone my skills. I think I’m a talented actor, scratch that, I know that I have the talent and the drive, but I also know that I have a long way to go, and that’s okay. After we finished the monologues, we took a break before coming back and sitting in a circle, where Jayd talked to us about the class and the goals of it for a good hour or so; we mainly focused on breaking down text, and the four questions that need to be asked at the beginning of every scene you’re in. Things that I learned throughout my time at FDU, but also things that I definitely needed to be reminded of, to keep it fresh in my brain. I think for a while, at least during my time at FDU and right when I left, I felt like I didn’t need to take classes. I felt like I knew what I was doing, and I could just go and act; but now, nearing two years since I graduated, I know that I have a long road ahead of me, and I can never stop learning, honing my craft, and most importantly keeping it all fresh in my mind. God I love acting.

The class ended at 9PM, with me exchanging numbers with my partner for a scene we would be doing next class- just a table read, thank god- and I headed on out to go on back home. I would’ve just caught the 3 from Penn, but with Andrew saying that we needed some more napkins, I made a run to Target to pick some things up. While I was there, Caitlyn from 3B asked if I could pick her up a thermometer and a purple gatorade since she wasn’t feeling great- god thermometers are difficult to find; I ended up getting her a baby thermometer- along with the napkins which Andrew asked for. Since I was there, I also made sure to pick up some creamer for Andrew, since I knew he was out, plus a microwave dinner, chips, and cookies for me; I know, I have a problem. Finally paying for everything, I headed to Penn, hurrying so I could still get home at a decent time. After waiting around in the subway for a couple of minutes, waiting for the 3, I realized that not only was the 3 not running after 9:30PM- it was already nearly 10- the two was running local AND was obviously on the local track, which I watched zoom away. Saying “fuck this”, I headed out to the other end of Penn, catching the next A heading downtown, transferring to the 4 at Fulton, and finally getting home around 10:50.

After setting my stuff down in the apartment, I grabbed the gatorade and thermometer, headed down to the 3B, handed them to Caitlyn, and headed on back up to my apartment, heating up my food and sitting down to relax for the night. Julian ended up going to bed pretty soon after I got back, but since Andrew was up, he and I ended up binging quite a few episodes of My Hero Academia, which he is completely hooked on at this point- it’s a great show, what did you expect? He finally called it quits around 2:20AM, and I’ve spent the rest of the night playing- and losing- a couple games of League. I did win the final game, even though it was only URF, but I’ll take it all the same. Now it’s already 5:06 and I actually DO have work tomorrow, so I’m going to head off to bed. I also found out that the play we’re doing a scene from for class is The American Plan. Apparently I’m in a swimsuit during the scene, which frankly gives me even more reason to continue working out, so I actually look fit by the time I do get into costume. We love motivation!

Until next time,



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