Correcting Wrongs and Working to Be Harsher on Myself and My Writing (1/25/2020)

So I’m writing this post late in the night on the 26th, because last night I had to make an incredibly important change when it came to my blog and my posts. Now when I first started this blog, I never really shared it with anyone; I’d mention it here and there, and it’s of course linked on my social media, but I never broadcast the fact that I write this blog; it’s never been something that I thought much about, or really cared about. But as I posted publicly on Instagram and Facebook, finally bringing into light the fact that I have this, basically this giant archive of my life in New York these past 1.5 years, I really didn’t think about every post I’ve ever written. I mean there are now over 265 posts, and I don’t really think about each post after I’ve written it. This however, did bring in the issue when I talked about sensitive and personal topics; experiences that were shared with another person, and I chose to write about on my blog, because I was excited and the experience was really, truly wonderful. It’s something I didn’t think about in the past, but moving forward I absolutely plan on being more conscientious when it comes to these experiences.

Basically to bring it into the day, I ended up waking up for work around 1:15PM, posting about my blog on social media, and then finally working to get ready and leave. Leaving my apartment at 2:30, I knew it was supposed to be raining outside; that’s fine. What I did not account for was just how much rain was coming down on me, and also the fact that my umbrella was sort of broken, with one or two of the metal rods not really holding anything up anymore, which meant walking to the subway was a REAL treat. Finally getting onto the train, my backpack and the back of my pants sopping wet, I sat down in one of the cars and allowed myself to relax and dry off, the subway now lurching into the darkness ahead, thundering towards Manhattan. Arriving at Fulton St. at 2:57, I really didn’t have much time to spare; I grabbed my damaged umbrella, threw on my backpack, and hurried off the car and out into the street, opening my umbrella and trudging through the rain to Eataly. As I walked along the sidewalk, I noticed someone holding the umbrella very close to their body, and even though I thought I recognized them, I was not going to stop and make small-talk in this rain. As I got on the escalators and made my way up to Eataly, that person I passed actually turned out to be one of the managers, Nikky, who was also quite a bit wet from all this rain. We kinda made eye-contact, acknowledging the situation we both found ourselves in, before I continued up the escalator, clocking in and heading onto the floor. I was apparently in section 1 today, because I had training at 4:30, so I started one wine and ice, today mostly focusing on ice as two other servers focused on the wine.

Before I knew the 30 minutes we had were up and I had to go on break, so I made my way over to the iPad, clocked out for my 45 minute break, and went to the break room to see what was for lunch today. Now normally I end up saying fuck it and go over to Pret, but with the rain still coming down outside, and the fact that it was rice and pork day today, I decided to stay in, taking a seat and enjoying my break at Eataly. After watching some videos and relaxing for a good 30 minutes, I took my usual bathroom break before heading over for pre-shift, which was held today next to Stag, since the 90’s and the space next to Stag were both occupied. The main thing of note today was the fact that the manager working was holding a bit of a competition- whoever sells the most specials wins a bottle of wine; god I love those competitions, and I love free bottles of wine. With pre-shift ending, and things also being changed around a bit, so I was in section 2 today, myself and a couple other workers at La Pizza La Pasta headed over to Pace to begin another round of training for this event on the 5th; basically we’re learning how to properly do fine dining service, and it has been stressing me out just a teensy bit. Not a lot, but like I’m also prepped to accidentally spill wine on like, the owner of Eataly, and instantly be fired. All in all the training did go alright, and before I knew it we were done and heading onto the floor to begin the day at last.

Right as I hit the floor and finally started getting into the groove of things, I received the text message that honestly, set me straight and brought me to shutting down my website for a day, fixing almost every post I’ve written. To sum it up, I received a text from a friend, who I had a night with in 2019; during that time I spoke about it in more detail than I should have, and didn’t think about it. However with the post being out in the open now, and the fact that I mostly use real names in my blogs, she voiced how she felt incredibly uncomfortable with that information being out there. I felt a wave of anxiety sweep over me, and I began immediately trying to remedy the situation; these posts are to just bring people on the ride that it my life here in New York, not to make people I care about uncomfortable because I was too short-sighted and selfish to realize the implications that arise from me putting such personal information out into the public eye. As soon as I had a moment, I texted her, immediately apologizing, promising to remove her name, and promptly shut down my website- moving it to private until I could get everything sorted; she seemed to appreciate my response, but that didn’t make me feel any less remorseful for putting something that private out in the open. Honestly I thought I kept my composure pretty well, but maybe not because I literally had like, three people I work with come over to me, asking if I was alright. I truly appreciated the concern, but this was something that I did, and that I needed to remedy as soon as I could; aka tonight.

With the situation not resolved, but at least in a better place than it was, I was able to get my head back in the game, and actually focus on the day ahead. Now as for the shift itself, I mean it was busier, but frankly it never felt too insane; No rude notes from customers, and no real screw-ups on my end. Before I knew it time had flown by and it was already past 9PM- time to start putting away wine and finishing up so I could head home! By 10:30, everything was rolled, all the wine and ice was put away, and my numbers were in, which meant I could finally go on home. But wait a minute… where’s my jacket?? Aka the thing that’s gonna keep me warm, and also the thing that has my headphones?! Realizing quite quickly that I had actually left it in Pace during the training earlier in the day, I immediately headed over there to see if they knew what had happened to it; they said that they saw it earlier, but the person who took it- thank goodness the person works at Pace- has already left, and no one knew where it could be. After looking around a bit, I headed over to Guest Relations, but unfortunately they did not have it either. Heading on back to Pace, a couple of the servers actually ended up helping me look for it, but with time passing 11PM and the next train only 4 minutes away, I had to leave; guess I’ll just find my jacket on Monday when I get back. Thankfully, after checking “Find My” which actually can track where my airpods are, they were in Eataly, so no one stole my jacket. That’s the good news. The bad news was the fact that I had to head home without a jacket. “Just take one of the lost and found jackets!” Honestly I debated it, but thankfully it wasn’t too incredibly cold out tonight, and all I’d need to do was jog home and I’d be set.

Making a mad dash to the subway, I caught the next 4 heading downtown, making it back to Utica Ave. around 11:25, and jogging over to the bodega. Picking up a chicken sandwich, I headed on back to my apartment, where I ended up watching a bit of My Hero Academia with Andrew before heading into my room around 1:30 to end my night. Usually this would mean League, but not tonight; tonight I had a mission. And so I put on some LoFi music and spent the next five hours, painstakingly going through my blog posts, taking out the name of my friend, changing the names of a couple key people in posts, and deleting some more sensitive or personal information I don’t really have the right to talk about. Now in my friend’s text, addressing how uncomfortable she was with me using her name, she also said that my latest ex would probably be uncomfortable with me using her name in the posts; I know she knew that I wrote blog posts while we were dating, but now that we broke up, it isn’t right for me to continue using her name. So what I ended up doing was changing her name, along with my other exes, and the manager of my last restaurant, to letters, (not corresponding to their names because then what would be the point), to add some privacy. I also went back and took out some material I felt was rude or inappropriate, just to keep things kosher. Now I didn’t end up doing every single blog post, with me stopping at 6:30AM in November of 2019, mostly because I knew I didn’t really discuss anyone in particular after that, but I do plan on continuing to go through my latest posts and double-checking, just to be sure that I’m doing right by everyone. This meant that in those 5 hours, I went through, god probably between 250 and 300 posts, editing whenever I thought necessary; honestly by the end of it I was exhausted in every fiber of my being, but I was incredibly grateful that I did it. Again, I write this blog just to talk about my daily life; I don’t want to hurt anyone, nor make anyone uncomfortable, because of something I’ve said. I am not perfect, but I’m trying to do better, and for the mistake I made, I’m sorry. I texted my friend before I fell asleep, just letting her know that I had removed her name from the posts, along with apologizing once more, and thanking her for being so honest with me; without her saying that there would still be things that I talked about in the past that I now know are way too personal to be shared. Finally, I made my website public once more, and past out; feeling at peace for righting the wrong, and doing better by a friend.

Until next time,


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