A Day Full of Love Seeing Family Once More and a Risk That Dwindled into Seemingly Endless Abyss Below (12/11/19)

Alright today was the day. I feel like before I jump into all the good news, and happy bits of the day, I should at least tear off the band-aid and talk about the elephant in the room, so bare with me here. Today was my ex’s birthday, and I have been debating for months whether I’d write a letter, or just shoot a simple text wishing her a happy day today. Nothing as blatantly emotion as the last letter I sent three months ago, but still something all the same. I went back and forth on the idea- would I say anything. What would I say. How would I say it? I decided about a week ago that I would at least go through with it, writing her a simple birthday card, being kind and courteous wishing her a happy birthday and holidays, but when the card was returned to me from the post office a couple days ago, I made a new decision- I was still going to send the letter, but I also planned on texting her just the same simple message, acknowledging that I had written a letter, but fearing the card would not arrive in time, (or she would just not check her mailbox and therefore not receive the letter) I chose to text her the same text I had written. So that’s what I did. On my train ride up to meet my dad, Susan, and Theo at the Rockefeller Center, I sent two quick texts that I had read and re-read more than once- which is definitely a bit irregular for me, who just sends things without thinking about it- and prepped for whatever was, or was not, to come. Basically my only assumption at the end of the day today is that when my ex chose to block me on Facebook, for reasons I can understand, but cuts deep all the same, she also made the decision to block my number on her phone; again, something I can understand, but it cut nevertheless. It was something that had of course crossed my mind many a times, and was one of the reasons why I really debated not sending a text or a letter. I know she wants nothing to do with me. That’s a fact she made abundantly clear in her letter she had sent back to me, after I had idiotically sent what can be summed up as emotional word vomit. Do I regret sending the letter? No, I had a lot building up that I felt I needed to say. Am I proud of what I said? Absolutely not. But that is the past, and there’s nothing I can do about that. What I had hoped is to work to move forward, without her thinking I am just a not great person, and maybe build back at least the smallest amount of rapport moving forward. Not reaching towards a relationship or even friendship, but at least for amicability. So I guess if you’re reading this, on the very off-chance you chose to check back in on my writings here, months later… hi! I’m sorry I pushed you to feeling like you had no choice but to block me and cut me out of your life completely. I hope you know that my goal was the opposite of that, but sometimes idiotic decisions can have disastrous consequences. I do hope you at least got my letter, and I hope you read it; I promise it’s much less wordy and… emotionally explosive as my last letter. I hope things are well and I genuinely hope we find a way to talk again one day; not rebuild the entire bridge, but at least lay down a plank so that we can pass notes or at least be amicable. I hate cutting people out of my life. I’ve only done it a handful amount of times- aka frankly just one, and that was my ex Michelle, and that’s because she STILL has me blocked on all social media- and I don’t like the idea of doing it again, because I don’t LIKE doing it. But I also don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable or feel pressured to do or say something; that’s what brought down the relationship, and that’s something I am sincerely working on, because I don’t want to hurt someone I care about like that again. So yeah. Happy 21st Birthday, Elle.


**Changing pace here- The duck I had for lunch today holy moly**

Anyways, let’s chat about the rest of the day now that that shit show is out of the way, shall we? So I was supposed to meet up with Dad, Susan, and Theo today at The Sea Grill at Rockefeller Center at noon, so I managed to get myself up by like, 10:20, but I unfortunately underestimated how long it was actually going to take me to get ready to leave. By the time I had actually gotten up, showered, and gotten dressed, it was already 11:38, and the train was supposedly leaving at like… 11:45. Basically if I had caught that train I would be… like 10-15 minutes late, but after running to get to the 4, I hopped down the stairs just in time to watch the 4 pull away from the station. Thankfully a 3 arrived shortly after, so hopping on that train, I made my way towards Manhattan. Now the 4 would have taken me pretty close to Rockefeller, but since I was taking the 3, I was definitely going to need to transfer to even remotely make it on time. After looking at Maps, I was told to transfer to either the B or the D at the Atlantic Ave. Barclay’s Center, so once I finally arrived at the stop- which took 15 instead of the like… six or eight minutes it would’ve taken on the 4- I rushed attempting to catch the D, which was apparently arriving just before we were pulling into the station. Unfortunately as I hurried down the steps, I did not see a D in sight, and the next one uptown was not for another 10 minutes or so, so I turned around, hurried back up the stairs and towards the B, which seemed to be on the other side of the train station- great. Thankfully I somehow made it with just enough time to spare, and I was on the train and moving towards Manhattan at last. By the time I had pulled into 47-50th St. Rockefeller, it was already past 12:20, so I had to hurry as I briskly walked through the corridors, attempting to find this restaurant. After a brief call with my dad, letting him know I was almost there, I found the restaurant and headed in, giving a warm greeting and an apology to the three family members waiting for me. It was wonderful to see Dad, Susan, and Theo again though; even though I just spent part of yesterday with Dad and Susan, it didn’t change the fact that I never get to see them, since they live in a different state than I do, and it is always a treat. Once our server arrived at the table we all ordered our food and the lunch was on. For appetizers, Dad and Theo both got chowder soup, while I went with the crab cake and Susan stuck with the endive salad. Now when our appetizers came out, they had accidentally brought me a chowder soup as well instead of the crab cake, but to correct the mistake they let me keep the soup AND eat the crab cake. You think I’m gonna complain about getting more good food? And seriously, the food was definitely very tasty. For entrees, my dad got the scallops, while Susan got the entree version of the crab cakes, while Theo and I went with our server’s suggestion of the duck. Seriously, goddamn was the food tasty. Theo had a complaint because her duck was a tad cold, but that got remedied pretty quickly and I never had a problem with my food. What was really cool about where we were sitting, by the way, was the fact that we were right against the window looking out into the roller rink. For dessert I know that my dad and Theo got the key lime pie, Susan got this chocolate either mousse or pudding or something, and I went with some ice cream, to cleanse my palate. Very tasty food, but I definitely needed to rush to the bathroom when I was finished- my stomach was FULL. Apparently when I was in the bathroom, a man proposed to his significant other on the ice, which is pretty cool, but you know the bathroom took top priority for me.


**I mean LOOK at that dessert! Delicious**

As we finished up our meal, we gathered up our things and made our way outside, where we parted ways with Theo who was heading home and Susan who was heading to a meeting. I stuck with Dad for just a few minutes, taking a couple pictures of the tree, before giving him a hug goodbye and rushing off through the cold towards Grand Central to catch the 4 and head on to work. That’s right, I DID have to work today! Also side note- goddamn it was cold today. Like I knew it would be coming into the day, but I still wasn’t prepared for it, my word. Now the entrance I went through to get to Grand Central was not one I’ve ever taken before, but it threw me through a loop because it was this just… long long passageway connected to one of the hallways in Grand Central; And not like a measly little hallway. This fucker took me a good 10 minutes almost to get from one end to the other, and then I had to get my bearings and head to the subway to catch the 4. Despite all of this craziness, I still made it with decent time to spare, and before I knew it the 4 had arrived and I was on my way to work. I was running early for once, so when I arrived at Fulton and headed into Eataly, I took a quick pit-stop in the bathroom before clocking in and starting my side-work for the day. Honestly I wasn’t too crazy excited for the day, since I was working at the pasta bar today, but that did mean I had to focus on wine and ice, so that’s exactly what I did… well I focused mostly on the ice bit of it, with Michele and Liz focusing on the wines for the most part. With all that being done, I headed on break where I actually just stayed in for the day, because I had literally just eaten lunch a good two hours ago, so I sat in the break room and had a small portion of the staff meal as I watched YouTube for the majority of my break.


**A picture of the hallway I had to walk through to get into the main terminal at Grand Central. Look how far it goes!**

After clocking back in, I headed on over to pre-shift, which mostly consisted of Nikki- our manager Nicole- breaking down what’s going on, and Joe jumping in towards the end mostly just to cause a ruckus. With everything being said, we hit the floor without delay and my day finally began. Well I’d love to say it “began” but like… I was not busy for a good majority of the night. I set up my bar, but no one sat down for a good two hours, and I would bounce back and forth between Stag doing roll-ups and Pasta Bar, just making sure everything was going alright. The main two tables I had was this eight top of ladies in their 20’s, who were doing a Secret Santa/ White Elephant thing, which is always fun, and this family of seven, who were celebrating one of the son’s birthdays. The group of girls were kind and had a good time, ending up tipping me $100 on a $460 bill which was incredibly kind of them, but the thing that warmed my heart was the mother of the family. I made sure to get a candle when they ordered dessert, and overall just made sure that they had a great time, so I am happy of the level of service I provided. Now their bill ended up hitting $250, which I hoped meant I’d get a nice $50 tip max. The dad paid and when I brought the bill back, the mom handed me a wad of cash, said “This is for you. Happy Holidays.” That woman had given me $70 in cash as a tip. Warmed my damn heart to no end. I truly wish more people would do things like that, instead of being Scrooge for the holidays; Well I wish more people had that kindness in their heart year round, but here we are. Nevertheless, my heart was filled with joy from that, so thank you.

As the night ended and my final tables closed out, I got to it putting away a bit of the wine, and then rolling for the next hour. Finally clocking out around 10:50, I caught the next 4 and made my way downtown at last and towards home. Getting off at Utica Station, I headed over to the Bodega and was greeted by the guy working the counter “Hey! Same time!” I mean, fair; It was very warm though, and I’m glad they seem to like me. I got a chicken sandwich and fries, along with a Naked drink, and made my way out and to my apartment, where I chatted with Julian for a few minutes before he headed to bed and well, I’ve whittled away the hours playing League and watching YouTube videos. I mean for God’s sake it’s almost 4AM and I’ve got to be up at 10 to get ready and leave, and you know catch a train to New Jersey just before noon. I’m actually helping my professor from FDU as a reader for her AAII class, which I think is going to be a ton of fun; Also I get to see my friend Zoe again, which I’m never gonna complain about. We love seeing friends! Either way, I need to sleep so that’s what I’m gonna do.

Until next time,



**Always so wonderful seeing such amazing people ❤

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