Heading to Another Audition; In Other News, Why Can Nothing Ever Just Be Simple? (10/21/19)

So the time is now 3:34; actually a pretty decent time for me to be writing this blog, since I normally start writing it at 4AM, but yeah… my mind is in a weird place at the moment. For a while I was kind of angry and sad thanks to League, and was feeling kind of empty inside, but now that I started binging the new season of Big Mouth, everything’s kind of melted away you know? To be honest with you, I think I really needed an escape from everything going on in my life. Sometimes you just need a few hours to unplug from the world and do your own thing, instead of trying to keep up on what’s going on… aka me continuously checking OkCupid because maybe my ex chose to acknowledge me and block me on the app. I think after thinking about that for a bit, I realized just how pathetic it really is. I’m trying to get better, and grow… but it’s fucking hard. And you know what? That’s okay. Sorry that was a really weird tangent to go on; maybe as I get through today, I’ll be able to get through all these thoughts. Just… bare with me on this post, okay?

Alright, so I really didn’t get much sleep last night, which probably did not help me out tonight; I mean even though I was planning on waking up just after 9, my body decided to get me up right at 7:30. I tried and tried to go back to sleep, but my body just wouldn’t let me. Finally, at like 9:30 I got myself up and got dressed. Now I had planned on just heading over to the Staples on 35th St. to get the ink I needed, but then I noticed the Staples like, right down the street from me on 184th. Curious and hopeful, I gave them a call, and the lady working confirmed that they did indeed have the colored ink cartridges that I desperately needed to print out my sides. I finished up getting dressed and made my way down to the store, giddy that I didn’t have to spend an hour trying to get downtown and back, get ready, and leave again. Seriously, I kept doing some mental gymnastics about how long the whole trip was going to take me, and it would have been CLOSE. Now I will say, after buying the ink cartridges, god DAMN is ink expensive. I mean I spent like $75 just to get ink for my printer. Like what the FUCK is that about? However, it had to be done, so done it was. I headed on back home, putting the fresh ink cartridges in my printer and finally printing out my sides for the audition. Now the audition was at 11:45, and after zoning out on a few YouTube videos, I realized that I really didn’t have much time to spare, so I shut down my computer and hurried to the shower to get ready. By the time I was dried off and all dressed up for the audition, it was already past 11AM, so I had to GO. Making sure my hair was looking on point, I headed on down to the subway, catching the next A and taking it down to 14th St. Once I got there, taking a nap along the way of course, I hurried to the L and took that over to Union Square, getting off and hurrying over to the building where my audition was being held.

The building was literally “One”, so I headed on in, was approved to go up the elevator, and found the room, quickly going inside and checking in. Now I knew the sides honestly much better than my last audition, but I do this thing where I take pauses when I’m talking, which turns the dialogue less… conversational. I’m sure it happens because I’m just talking to myself and memorizing that way, but it is something I need to continue working on. As I sat and waited, a girl going up before me, this kid walked in; on the shorter side, definitely looking like he was maybe 15 or 16. Now after he clocked in, the woman going through the names asked him if he was over 18, and he said YES. Like, I know I look younger for my age, but damn. We did have a good conversation though; he appreciated my alpaca socks that I was rocking today. Listen, you gotta look good. But I will say, the more I go to these auditions, the more I realize I definitely over-dress for these things. Like everyone else is wearing like, regular shoes and jeans, and I’m coming in with dress shoes, dress pants, and a button-up shirt. Looking good is one thing, but I think I should probably tone it down on how much I dress up. Finally it was my time to go, so I headed up this narrow staircase to what seemed to be an attic area? I greeted the guy who was filming the auditions, and joked about the chair I was sitting in; it was like, an actual barber chair. Now as for the audition itself, I think it went pretty well. I kind of tripped over the lines once or twice, but I never looked at the script during the audition. The guy asked me to make it more conversational though, since in my first takes there were too many breaks, but I think I nailed it on the last take we did. I mean, I hope I nailed it. I definitely felt better about the audition overall than I did with the last one.

I thanked the guy and headed back down the stairs, wishing the kid, well he’s over 18 so i guess he’s not a kid, “break a leg!”, thanking the lady checking everyone in, and headed on out. Because it was such a nice day out, I ended up walking all the way to 15th and 8th, heading down to the subway to catch the A back uptown. After a quick train ride, I found myself back at home, taking off my audition outfit, and climbing back in bed to take a nap. I mean I was hungry for sure, but fuck I needed to get a bit more sleep; I was exhausted. That was around 1:30. By the time I was actually awake, it was definitely past 3:30, and I was feeling much better. However, dad did try to call me apparently when I was asleep, so I called him back just to touch base with how everything is. I chatted with him and Susan about everything going on, including a few stories Maggie told him when her and Devon were with them on Saturday. Now Dad and Susan are actually coming to visit New York in December, and after Dad told me that, I debated buying them both tickets to see a show, as a sort of Christmas gift; now I’m horrible with gifts, but I thought that this would be fun! After texting Susan about it after we ended the call, spoiling the surprise for her, but I trusted her being able to get the two of them to New York on time, but yeah. Basically I’m taking them both to see To Kill a Mockingbird on Broadway. I heard the show is fantastic, and I myself have been wanting to see it for a while anyway. I quickly bought the tickets and that was that. Now I’m going to see Dear Evan Hansen with Mags and Devon, AND I’m going to see To Kill a Mockingbird with my dad and his wife in December. GOD that’s gonna be fun! The call finally ending, I was feeling my stomach starting to cry out for food, so I quickly headed out to grab a sandwich from Subway, before heading back home and scarfing that down. Now I did want to go back out to run another two errands- aka deposit all my cash into my account, and pick up my package from Walgreens- but I ended up practicing a technique for a champion in League for a bit. Now up to this point, I haven’t been able to do it at all and really thought it was impossible, but as I practiced it today, I actually managed to do it! Repeatedly! God I felt so proud; I couldn’t wait to try it out in actual games later on tonight.

Finally it was time to head over to the PNC at 42nd St. to deposit my cash and rolled coins; I did call the PNC near me, just to make sure they didn’t do cash, but as I suspected, they are a cashless branch. Now the PNC on 42nd closes at 7PM, so by the time I got there, somehow making my way through the maze that is the 42nd St. Bus Terminal, I got inside the PNC…. only to find they stop those services at 6PM. Of course. A bit frustrated, since it was like 6:30, I headed over to the 1. Why? Because even though I told FedEx to drop the package off at the Walgreens on 55th and Broadway, they ended up sending it to the Walgreens at like 235th in the BRONX. Again, nothing can ever just be simple and easy, huh? It always has to be a bit of an adventure. Not to say that I don’t like adventure, I do, but damn. I hopped on the 1, taking it the entire way up; a good like 50 minute train ride. Luckily once I arrived at the stop, the Walgreens was right on the same street, so I headed on down the stairs and went inside. After a bit of waiting, the guy working the FedEx pick-up section got my my box- I was really excited. Now for some reason I had confused myself on what exactly I was picking up. I thought it was this grooming tool a bought from Manscaping, a bit TMI, but whatever, but instead? It was the box I need to put my old phone into so I can send it off back to Apple. I mean, yeah I did need that one, but damn; getting my hopes up for that? Luckily, I did remember to pick up some of my face medicine that I ran out of, (gotta take care of your skin man), buying that and at last heading back home. Now once I got off the train at 181st, I ended up just stopping by my local PNC and depositing all my money there instead of doing it with a person; sure it’s not my coins, but still- depositing over 1k into my account at once feels pretty damn good. After hanging around my apartment for a bit, I headed back out and got some pasta from dinner from Pick&Eat, before bringing it back home and playing a few games of League with Mags. After she got off, I played a few games on my own, and before long my confidence that I had had this afternoon was diminished to nothing; I lost all but the last game I played, and was not feeling great. Unsure of what to do, and having run out of swipes for the day on OkCupid, I ended up watching the first three episodes from the newest season of Big Mouth. SO good so far. It is unfortunate though, because I worry that I’m starting to act like John Mullaney’s character, who is over possessive of the girl he dated for like five days, and kind of goes crazy for a bit and completely drives her away. Shit man, that stresses me out. Basically, I’m worried that my ex thinks I’m a creep, and is incredibly uncomfortable thanks to the letter I sent her. Now in retrospect, that letter was a terrible idea. I mean it brought back a bunch of wounds that were probably just beginning to heal, and really pushed her over the edge. But it was how I was feeling at the time, and there’s nothing I can do about that; it’s the past after all. All I can do is keep moving forward, and if one day our paths cross again, then we shall deal with that then… not now.

Until next time,

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**Side note, I’m loving the jacket I got with my Stitch Fix for this month

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