So I’m actually writing this post on the 2nd on my way home from work, because I am behind on these posts, but this is such an exciting one for me. This day marks exactly one year since my move to New York City. Now I started this blog on the 20th of August, but I just want to use this post to really talk about everything that has transpired this past insane, crazy year. First and foremost, I started my time in New York working at Emma’s Torch, a nonprofit restaurant and culinary institute focused on helping immigrants, and I ended up working there for a good eight months. Despite how much I loved most of the people I worked with, from the chefs to the students to the servers and server assistants, the glaring issue that was always there was the rift that formed between the manager W and I. Now I am not afraid to speak candidly about this, because this is my blog; I felt like before I chose to fully leave, W chose to single me and every one of my mistakes out, and act like they are insanely glaring issues, when in fact I don’t think they were. The main issues were that I didn’t know every ingredient with every dish, and I wasn’t as fast. Despite those, I was still someone who all of our guests loved. Because of these issues, “management” chose to demote me to server assistant, and then W chose to not schedule me almost ever, so I was never working to improve my problems. The issue with W is I felt like she was incredibly passive aggressive and let things build up over time before lashing out, and if you point out flaws in her character, she instantly goes on the defensive. I don’t think she is a good manager, and will be the reason that Emma’s Torch loses servers over time.
Now since I was demoted to server assistant, I chose to pick up a second job part time at DialogueDirect, which happens to be an on the ground fundraiser, which I worked three days a week. Now as I began the job, I was so incredibly confident; I am amazing at starting conversations with people, so this should be a cinch. Unfortunately I found out very quickly just how difficult this job is, and how unkind New York can be. I ended up working this job for three months, my mental health began deteriorating, not only because of how taxing it is working that job, and hearing no after no day in and day out, I was bleeding money (like a good $300-$500 every month) and panicking about how in the hell I was going to pay rent every month, as well as the fact that towards the end I was going through a break up, but we’ll get to that in a minute.
Now even though I actually really enjoyed the people I worked directly with, when I was offered a position at Eataly as a server, I instantly accepted the opportunity; I was bleeding money and if I didn’t begin working at Eataly, I am genuinely unsure how in the hell I was going to pay rent for the next month. I have now been working at Eataly for about 1.5 months now, and even though I don’t have much of a life outside of work, I am making much better money, and am feeling better. At least there isn’t this insanely heavy weight just chilling on my back 24/7. It has been insane, working here five days a week, and just how busy Eataly is. However, despite the insanity and the terribly tippers, I’m grateful for the position; as a plus my coworkers are great, so I still find myself smiling day in and day out.
Now we do have to talk about the elephant in the room, because it, or I guess she, was such a huge part of my life for 5 months, and is one of the most prominent reasons I didn’t go insane towards the end of my time at Emma’s Torch, and throughout my time at DialogueDirect. Now I met W on OkCupid, and even though I hadn’t taken this app seriously, the more we got to talking, the more I got into it. We ended up exchanging numbers after a week of talking, maybe less, and before too long I asked her out on a date. She was, and still is, going to school at Sarah Lawrence College as a sophomore at the time, and we met up for dinner at a small Italian place right outside of Grand Central. I remember I got a slice or two of pizza, and she decided to get a vegetarian wrap. I honestly don’t think she liked it that much, but I hope my company made it all worth it. We ended up walking around and around Grand Central, just talking for a good two or three hours, and I even moved in and kissed her. Oh also, I can’t forget the first time I heard her voice, which was when she called me to tell me that she was running late, but on her way, and when I picked up the phone and said hello, her response was “You’re real!”
Our next date wasn’t until December 10th, the day before her birthday, and after a long day of going to the Natural History Museum and watching her favorite movie, Coraline, in my apartment, we somehow ended back up at her school, where I actually stayed the night along with meeting all her friends. After that we met up again two more times, and on the second time, now our fourth date I believe, I asked her to be my girlfriend. After that we spent many days together, either in person or FaceTiming every night almost. I made a trip to meet her family during her winter break, and then came back like less than a week later, because why not. It wouldn’t be for another two or three months that she would finally meet my brother and sister, (plus Devon), via an amazing road trip from Connecticut all the way down to Maryland. Honest it was some of the most fun I had, and I fell in love with her more and more every day. We also had said I love you long before this point, which you can take how you will. (I think we said it under a month in)
Unfortunately all amazing things come to a close, and that happened on May 2nd. She asked me to visit her at Sarah Lawrence, where we talked for a while about everything. She thought that our relationship was moving to fast, and the fact that I constantly talked about us moving in together in two years terrified her. Now to be fair, that is so much on me. I think, looking back, that I felt so helpless as to what was currently going on in my life, that I had to latch onto the only stable thing I had in my life, that I had thought was not going anywhere- our relationship. Unfortunately doing so caused a rift that destroyed the thing that brought me so much happiness. Now after that, things were hard. Incredibly hard. With a broken heart and an empty wallet, I had no idea what to do. So I started blogging again, after a large break. Now I am here, a few months later, not as happy as before, but getting better. I wrote her a letter about a month and a half ago, (because she is all about letters and I figured if I’d reach out, that’s a great way to do it), but after not hearing anything for a month, checking the mail what seemed to be every day, I texted her, asking if she had gotten anything. Surprisingly, or I guess unsurprisingly, she hadn’t checked her mail, and told me she would send me a letter soon. I still haven’t received anything yet, but honestly I am way to stubborn to give up that easily.
Now if you ask me if I still love her I mean, I can’t lie and say no. This girl meant so much to me, and that’s not gonna change. All I can do is keep doing my thing and living my life. Now on a more positive note, despite the bullshit I’ve gone through this past year, not only did I get to perform a showcase in front of agents, I even managed to sign with one across the board a few months back. So hey, at least we’re accomplishing something! I have no clue what this next year has in store for me, but I cannot wait to face it head on. Now the reason this title’s in quotes is because it was actually something a customer said to me at work today, after I mentioned that it has just been a year for me. She also asked for my Instagram, and said that she would pass it on over to a friend of hers, who just so happens to be a director; crazy I know. Also tonight ended a bit later than normal, because I got into a long conversation with a table of three, who ended up asking for my Instagram to follow me. Weird times, but I’m here for it.
I guess I want to end this saying how grateful I am for my life, my friends, and my family, and how despite all the terrible times, I know great times are just around the corner. Even if you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, I promise you it’s there. You just have to keep walking.
Until next time,