Two Days Off With A Bunch of Thoughts (Trigger Warning- Sensitive Material Discussed)(7/9/19-7/10/19)


So I didn’t write a blog last night because honestly I did nothing yesterday, but something did happen that I think is incredibly important to talk about, even though it is a very serious and very dark topic. And that topic is rape. Now I’ll get into today and what I did soon, but this is way too important not to talk about. Now I will obviously keep names out of this post, because this is not my story, but it is a story involving two of my friends, which I never though I’d have to say. Also if this is a sensitive subject for you, and you are triggered when this type of thing is talked about, please either scroll down; I’ll make it obvious where I finish talking about this and go into what I did today, or honestly just don’t read this post. I don’t want you to have to relive anything that you are trying to move on and away from. Now then, I found out yesterday, thanks to a post made by a female friend on Facebook, that this time last year she was raped by someone she knew and had been friends with for all four years at college. This was a person she knew and trusted. Now both of these people that I am talking about attended my college, and graduated the same year I did, so when she started talking in great detail about what happened, and the legal proceedings that went down for this past year, it horrified me. What made it even worse is that this horrible event actually happened the night we came back from our senior theater showcase in New York. Like I remember that night very clearly. I couldn’t place the guy at first, because you hope you don’t know anyone who would actually do something as horrible as this, but finally I remembered who this guy was. He was a friend of mine as well; we weren’t amazingly close, but we did study together when I went abroad, and I thought he was a genuinely nice guy. And I know that’s what everyone says, but what I also knew was that he was a very different person when he got very drunk. Like he went from being chill and kind, to incredibly aggressive and sometimes violent. I remember him in this state on multiple occasions, but I never thought it would reach this level.

But I remember the night this went down. We had all had dinner after the showcase, and a few of us took the train back together. This girl was drinking, but was definitely exhausted, not drunk. The two of them were horsing around a little bit on the train ride back home, with her fucking with him and him getting annoyed, but I thought that was the end of it. Obviously it wasn’t, but it was such an eye opener for me to realize just how close I was to the situation. Now was there anything I could have done? No of course not, but that’s not why I’m talking about this. I’m talking about this because of what she has done since then. Instead of just shutting down, she actually made a police report, and after a long legal battle, he is going to jail for a year. Now what happened to her cannot be reversed, but the fact that she had the strength to stand up for herself and fight this horrific battle is fucking amazing, and I love that girl for it. She has and will always be my friend. Now my opinion of this guy, no matter how I felt about him in the past, has been changed forever. It doesn’t matter if he was my friend, or a fellow acting major; someone that I’ve worked with before. (Though to be honest I’m not sure if I ever actually worked with him in class) No matter what he was to me in the past, he will now and forever be viewed as a rapist who hurt my friend. It’s just the cold hard truth. Now if he reached out to me one day for some reason, would I listen to him; hear him out? Maybe. He was a friend, so maybe. But I can never trust him again. I pray that she was the first and last time he’s ever done this, but I will always have that thought- “Were there others that just didn’t come out?”

So why am I talking about this? I’m talking about this because, even though I have thankfully never been sexually harassed like this, way too many of my friends have, and that will never be okay. I want to bring even more awareness to this topic, even though thankfully it has been given more of a spotlight through the #MeToo movement, and say to whoever is reading this- if something has happened to you, even though I cannot imagine the pain you are feeling, I want you to know that you are seen, and you are loved. Not by the disgusting person who hurt you, but by those who truly love you; your family, your friends. They will always support you, and it is okay to open up. Don’t push yourself; do it at your own pace, but I hope you do open up and talk about it. Because that is the first step to moving forward. Also therapy, because therapy is an amazing tool that should be taken more advantage of.


***Triggering topic finished***


Alright that is enough about that really dark topic; let’s talk about today! So today I actually managed to get a good amount done, waking up surprisingly early for my voice lesson. Since it was at 11AM, I woke up at 9:30, took a shower, and walked over to my voice teacher’s apartment. Of course I got there almost 10 minutes late, but is that really all that surprising for me? Anyways, I haven’t had a voice lesson in like 10 months, so I was really excited to get back into the swing of things; man I knew my voice was going to be rusty. After buzzing in and walking up to his apartment, I headed inside my voice teacher’s apartment where we hugged and chatted for a while; catching up on what the fuck I’ve been up to these past months. Like it’s so strange to me where I am now and what I’ve gone through this past 10 months, and this past year. Like in less than a month I will have lived in my apartment for a YEAR. Like what the actual fuck.

Now the voice lesson itself went pretty well honestly. My voice is definitely not nearly as strong as it was before, and I have fallen back into some definitely bad habits, but it still felt good to be stretching that muscle again. I’m not sure how often I’ll actually be able to take lessons; whether it will be every week, but more likely, every other week, but I am definitely going to keep going. After the lesson ended, I made my way back home, grabbing the key and checking the mail before heading to my room. Now when I went up to check the mail, I was excited to find the two items I ordered from Amazon, a gaming headset and desktop speakers, had come in, so I hurried back to my room, and after some finagling I got them both situated and working. I’ve been wanting a speakers for a bit now, and I have honestly needed a gaming headset, so I was glad to finally have the funds to actually get them. After everything was set up proper like, I headed into the kitchen and made myself a quick lunch; just a simple turkey sandwich with mayo, spinach, tomato, and cheddar cheese on toasted bread, along with a sliced apple. After I finished my quick meal, I put my loose cash and coins in my backpack, (the coins were in a covered cup and the cash was in a make-shift envelope), and took off downtown to run some errands.

So heading out today I honestly had four goals. The first task was turning my coins into cash, so at the advice of my voice instructor, I headed to the Food Emporium on 42nd St. to use their coin machine. Right before I walked inside, I was surprised to find people from DialogueDirect working this block; now where the Food Emporium is, is where I worked my final day at Dialogue, so it was kind of funny and surreal to see it from the other perspective. As I analyzed the faces, I realized I didn’t know any of the people, so I just headed inside the grocery store. After looking around for a while, I finally asked an employee where the machine was, finally finding it, and dumping in the goddamn full cup of coins into the machine. Now it of course took a fee, so instead of getting back $33.30, I got back like $28.65, which is still not terrible. I got the cash from one of the cashiers, and after walking around the store one more time, I headed out. I took a quick walk by the Dialogue people as they took a break to see if I recognized anyone, but since they were all fresh new faces to me, I started walking back to the train station.

Now I was going to walk to the PNC on 34th St., since the one on 42nd St., was closed, but I made the smart choice and just took the train downtown, because air conditioning is a blessing. After getting off at Penn, I headed to the PNC, only to realize that every ATM accepts cash for you to deposit into your account. I’m just an idiot. Anyways, after some issues having too many bills or what have you, I finally got everything into the machine and into my account, though I’m pretty sure the machine ate $10. After that was all done and over with, I walked over to Sketchers, so I could buy some new shoes for work. Like the shoes I have now are okay, but they are starting to get holes on the inside, and I was also hoping to find something to help provide some cushioning, since I am walking around so much throughout the day. After some nitpicking, I finally found a pair I liked, and I discovered after trying on two different sizes, that I’m not actually a size 10, I’m a size 10.5. Like literally this time last year I thought I was a size 9.5; My feet haven’t grown in the past year, I’m just an idiot.

Finally having made a decision on the shoes, I had them taken up to the cashier, where I dropped $70 for them, which is always such a GREAT time. I LOVE spending that much money on shoes. Can you feel the sarcasm yet? With my new shoes in hand, however, I walked back to the train station, and caught the E to 7th Ave and 53rd, where I walked to Warby Parker to see if they had any glasses cleaner. They actually have a glasses cleaning starter kit, so I picked that up, and as they were processing my payment, I had them adjust my glasses, since they tended to slide down my face a bit. Now, after all of these errands, I finally walked to 59th St. and caught the A uptown back to my apartment. Honestly I haven’ done too much for the rest of my night. Played some League, by myself and with Mags, made some dinner by combining the food I made last night with some left over chicken fried rice, and then played some more League. I also stopped by Rite-Aid to pick up some junk food, because I guess I want to get fat? That’s a joke, I actually really need to start working out. Tomorrow I go back to work, and will be working all throughout the rest of the weekend, so let’s see how everything shapes up. Hopefully I make some money and don’t die.

Until next time,



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