Today I honestly haven’t done anything, and that’s okay. I didn’t have work today, I wasn’t hanging out with anyone, so I planned on just hanging out in my room. I ended up waking up right after noon, but didn’t get up until 3PM or later, where I finally got up and took a shower before making myself some lunch. As I dried off, I headed into the kitchen to make a sandwich and cut up an apple, and then came back into my room and have honestly just been playing League all day. It’s crazy to me, because I haven’t really been able to do this in such a long time. For the past month or so, I feel like I’ve been constantly running around, stressing about everything going on in my life; whether it’s been money, my job, or my now lack of a relationship. It felt like I was trying to climb out of the depths of my own personal hell, but I just could never reach the top of the pit. I know that sounds a bit melodramatic and all, but I think we’ve all gone through this kind of thing, and are maybe even going through it at this moment and time. I know sometimes it seems like there’s no end to the darkness, and you have no idea how you’re going to get through whatever is going on, but I promise you, you will. I mean for me, I’m still not out of it, right? I think I’ve finally climbed out of the pit, but I still have a mountain in front of me to climb; I’m back to zero again, which to be fair is better than before because I swear I’ve been in the negative for a while.
I’m not sure who reads these blogs, but I hope whoever you are, if you’re taking a few minutes out of your day to read my posts, I hope they help in some way. We’re all trying to figure things out, and get our life together. I mean I’m still not where I want to be right now. I want to be working full time as an actor on Broadway and on TV and film. I want to be showing off my talent and blowing everyone away; proving everyone who doubted me wrong. But that’s not happening right now. Right now I’m working as a server trying to find that opening. But that’s okay. As long as you’re striving for a goal and haven’t given up, that’s something. I know that I still have that drive, and I finally feel like I’m in a place where I have the opportunity to have the chance to pursue my dreams again. For the past months now, I’ve felt stuck; like I couldn’t audition, like I couldn’t do anything. And then last month it all hit the fan and I was worse than I’ve been in a while. I was alone, broke, and I had no idea how I was going to pay rent next month. But I made it to another month, and I’m still alive aren’t I? I haven’t died yet somehow. And don’t get me wrong, I am lucky enough to have incredible people in my life, like my family and friends, who are there supporting me no matter what. I know not everyone has that, but I hope that these posts can be that point of hope for you. I would love to turn these blogs into something inspirational, where anyone can reach out and be offered support and hope; even if it’s just online.
What’s really cool to me is that I’ve been writing these silly, stupid little posts since mid-August, and I’ve just hit 100 people following me, which is kind of insane honestly. I got a call from someone from WordPress, asking how I felt about my site, and told me that I could look to upgrade my site, (which is obviously more expensive), but I can make it even better, get more traffic, and even make some money out of all of this. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’ve thought about doing that for a bit now, but I’ve decided to at least look into the opportunity. I can’t really upgrade at the moment because I am still oh so very broke, but I have turned on ads on my site. I have no idea how it’s going to turn out, but I am definitely curious to see what happens. Even if it’s just a bit of extra cash, I think it could make things even more interesting; and if I don’t like where things are headed, I’ll just go back to where we are now. So I guess to the few of you reading this blog- thanks. Thanks for reading and riding this crazy ride with me so far, and I can’t wait to see whatever happens next; Not only with this blog, but with my life as well.
Until next time,