How Far Will This Spring Get Compressed Before It Lets Loose? (5/31/19)

So I’m actually writing this post on the first of June, since I was up until 5:30 last night playing Persona 5, and was so exhausted I just got ready and passed out. Now then, onto the day…

Today was just another unsuccessful day of fundraising, but even despite this, I’m still happy with how I’m feeling at the end of the day. Now I ended up sleeping through some of my alarms today, waking up at 8:30, quickly rising up out of bed, taking a shower, and then heading to work. I would’ve made it to the 9:05 train, but with my stomach giving me some warnings, I took my time before I headed off to work, making it there by 9:40. I was looking forward to this morning, because the boss was bringing in some breakfast for everyone; aka free bagel for breakfast. So when I got inside, I immediately headed over, grabbed myself a plain bagel, put some cream cheese on it, and chowed down as I chatted with my teammate. Before too long we had our daily meeting as an office, and headed off to our respective sites.

Today we went to Bowling Green, which I think is one of my favorite Friday spots, especially when it’s warm out. You’re right next to the water, the sun’s shining, wind’s blowing, and it’s a Friday- what more could you ask for? Now there were actually four of us today, since we had a girl starting up with us this week. She would’ve been here yesterday, but something came up. After a brief stop at Starbucks, we got our day started. Now I didn’t get any sign-ups today. I know, quite the shocker at this point, right? But I did work my ass off the entire day. Like yeah there were other days this week, where I was half-ass’ing it for a little while, but I was working hard today. I kept motivated and pushed through the no’s, hoping to at least find one yes. Now even though that didn’t happen, there was a point where I asked a guy what we were eating for lunch, and he ended up giving me his soup, which was great. And then a bit later a post office worker coming by delivering packages gave me a banana when I jokingly asked her for one! Honestly I think that’s one of my favorite parts of this job; having those little moments with the public. I gotta say, it definitely kept my attitude up.

Now we ran into a problem around 2PM when our team leader had to run off and do an errand. As I was busy working, my coworker Josh called me over, to try and talk to a girl. Now to provide context here, one of the attempted hooks when trying to talk to reel in a person is complimenting them. While I stick to complimenting people’s outfits mostly, or just saying “Hi! How’re you?”, some fundraisers go for more of the person’s physical appearance. Nothing crazy, just things like “Are you as nice as your hair?” Or “Your eyes blew me away?” Another one is “You seem really friendly, are you friendly?” Now to my surprise at first, most people actually laugh it off and enjoy the compliment at face value. Unfortunately for Josh, one person didn’t, and believed he was sexually harassing her when he complimented her eyes. When he called me over, asking her to explain it to me, she told me she didn’t have to explain it to a white boy to prove her point. Now I think that he used the fact that I’m white as a justification first to call me over, so don’t think that her saying that came out of the blue. Now I told Josh that in my opinion, this is a very grey area. I mean it’s 2019, and people are a lot more sensitive to these things than they used to be. Well let me re-phrase that, I think some people have always been more sensitive about things like this, but now they feel that they can be more vocal about how this makes them uncomfortable, without getting chastised for it. After giving my quick opinion, I went to go back to my spot, but Josh said that we were moving farther down; he didn’t want to work near this lady. As we moved sites, a guy right next to us, mind you also right next to this girl, who had met up with her friend by this point and were chatting right there, agreed with Josh, telling him that Josh did nothing wrong. Now I can’t change people’s mindsets. I can try, but I also don’t feel like getting into a whole giant dispute, over something that someone will never get. I understand because I grew up with a sister, and have a lot of female friends who are very vocal about these types of things. As such, I’ve tried to grow and be a more respectful person when it comes to these matters. Now I am in no way perfect and am in no way a saint or a martyr or anything like that. This is just how I feel when it comes to complimenting a random person on the street. Really side note- I have not, do not, and will not ever understand cat-calling. I think it is disgusting, and so incredibly inappropriate. Now there are times when I’ll be with the guys on my team and gawk at a woman’s behind. Am I proud of this- no, but it happens. But will I whistle and call after them? Hell no.

Alright sorry for the long rant/tangent. Anyways, the three of us finished out the half hour and headed to lunch. We went to that buffet place that I talked about, the last time I was at this location, and hung out for a while, as we waited for Ray. I ended up spending just over $10 on food, which is definitely not bad, since I got so much of it. As we hung out, Josh decided to prank call some people, which is immature I guess but can be funny. He tried to mess with our teammate Josie’s friend, but ended up getting annoyed himself when the guy told Josh to suck his dick. Josh gets really worked up about that type of shit. I don’t get it, but it’s whatever. After Ray finally met us in the restaurant, we headed back to site to finish the day. Now again, I worked really hard, but nothing came out of it. I did help Josh finish signing a woman up, as he was getting real frustrated with the form he was filling out; it wasn’t taking her address for some reason. I could tell Josh was getting really frustrated, probably because this would just be adding on to everything else today, but after I figured out she had just put in the wrong ZIP code, we were good to go, and it all went through. Now towards the end, Ray talked to me about pushing hard until the end; he told me that he knows that I work my ass off, but he can’t seem to put his finger on what I’m doing wrong. He talked about the law of averages, and how if I’m working this hard, it’s going to have to pay off. So as I finished off the day at zero, not defeated, but definitely not proud of being at zero again, I started thinking about what he said some more. If you think of it that way, (and please follow my path of thinking, I promise it will make sense… hopefully), I kind of think about it like a spring, right? I’m putting all this hard work and positive energy out into the world, pushing down on the spring, and it should release and I get my return. Normally it’s signups, but at this point, I’m not sure what it could be. Like the good that is coming from me pushing down this spring better be damn explosive, because I keep working hard day in and day out, and nothing’s come of anything yet. Whether it’s fundraising, or acting, or the job search. I’m not sure what to do at this point, and I’m not sure really what to expect moving forward. Will I just keep pushing the spring down harder and harder until it breaks and I’m screwed, like what happened in my last relationship? Or will the energy be released and something good finally comes my way? I feel like it’s a gamble, but it’s one that I have to take. Guess it’s time to roll the dice and hope for the best.

Until next time,


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