As the Rain Falls from the Heavens Outside a Sleeping Lion’s Den (5/30/19)

So today I became much more frustrated than I have in a while. Not only from my inabilities, but also from dealing with people at work. Now today started fine enough. The sun was shining, and even though the train I went to catch at 9AM did not stop at stations, speeding past 175th St., I still managed to catch the next train at 9:07 and made it to work just by 9:30, and my day at Dialogue began. I started the morning running through a pitch with my teammate Josh, who has just hit site rep (basically the step above a fundraiser; you can now train people), and going through different objection responses, before we had our team meeting and left for the day. The main challenge of the day was to try and beat the “trend setter”. Aka the person who is doing the best always. That happens to be a guy named Daniel who keeps pulling in insane numbers every day. So the goal was for as many people to get on board before Daniel hits 4. You get on board before he hits 2, you get a spin on the wheel (basically a giant wheel with different amounts of money that you can win), but when Daniel hits 4, he gets $5 for everyone still at zero. Aka, he can make some damn good money.  Highly motivated, everyone broke and quickly headed out to their respective sites.

We went to 72nd, which was the location that I honestly have felt the most comfortable at. It was the place where I pretty consistently get sign ups, so I was ready to start the day. However before we went to site, we made a quick pit-stop and grabbed some breakfast; I got a BLT on a plain bagel, toasted of course. After that, the day truly started. Now I did almost get a sign up quite early, which was a guy who seemed really interested in doing it. I even used a different urgency than normal, using my personal experience growing up instead of just numbers about the charity, which really seemed to resonate with him. Unfortunately his wife had his card, so he gave me his card and wrote his number down, telling me to contact him tomorrow and he would sign up. Again, good news for tomorrow, less good news for today. Secondly, there was a man kind of looking at me, so I struck up a conversation with him. We had a nice chat for a while, (he even complimented my socks), before I learned he was a music producer. After chatting about that for a bit, he asked if he could take me out for coffee, then telling me that he was in fact hitting on me, and thought that I was “radiant”. So much so that he felt drawn to where I was. Now I have never been hit on a gay man before, let alone someone probably twice my age. I was flattered, but I am of course not into men; however I did take his number, because having a new connection in the industry is never a bad idea.

As he left, I went up to Josh and told him what happened, and that’s when Josh started joking about my sexuality. See I don’t really care about that, but Josh likes to poke fun at me a lot. We get along and all, and I know he’s joking, but you can only poke a sleeping lion so much before it wakes up and attacks. (Hence the title of this blog post. Also I know that it’s a sleeping bear, not lion, but it sounded better) Now I’m not an aggressive person by any means, so when Josh goes for a nut tap or a shoulder punch, in an attempt to goof around, I just try to block the hit or end up taking it. Normally it’s fine, but again, you can only push someone so far. Then he started joking about fucking my sister, which was another jab.

Pushing that aside, we made our way to Pokebab, which is of course a Poke bowl restaurant. They had a lunch special with multiple options, and Josh and I both ended up getting the chicken teriyaki. He attempted to use chopsticks, and even though I attempted to teach him, poorly mind you because I don’t even know how to use chopsticks well, but after multiple failures, we switched to using forks. I also got hot green tea they were serving for free, but from the smell and the taste, I think they burned the leaves or something, because something was quite off. Now the second round of jabs came in, with Josh commenting on my sister again, after seeing a picture of her, and then showing me explicit pictures of himself and a girl he dated; Neither of which I wanted to see. I think I need to cure my eyes with bleach. The man who was hitting on me also somehow managed to find my Facebook profile, (which to be fair, is public), and messaged me. I let him know right away that I was not interested in men, and that I didn’t want to lead him on in that respect, but would be fine meeting him for coffee if he was interested, but he brushed it off saying that that was alright and that I wasn’t leading him on. Josh offered to answer, in order to stop the guy from messaging me, even taking my phone out of my hands, but I wouldn’t let him. I’m not trying to be incredibly rude to anyone here. Somehow or another Josh and I got into a verbal argument, which ended in him squaring up, and me pushing him away, into a wall. Not hard by any means; just a way to let him know to back off. He said that it would’ve been different if he had flexed, but I tried to cool the situation down and told him to go smoke. Ray had come in to the restaurant a bit ago now, and was passed out, but told us to wake him up so we could go.

Just as I was about to wake him, Ray arose from his slumber, and we headed back to site. Now I was getting frustrated by this point; partly from not signing people up, even though I got extremely close twice, but also from Josh pushing my buttons. When we got to site, it all culminated with Josh telling people that I’m a Trump supporter, and that I called him the N- word. Now if you can’t tell by now, I would never in my life support Trump, (honestly I would rather die than support that scum of the Earth), and I do not use that word. I used for a very short period of time a few years ago, when I had a friend group who used the word quite freely. I’m not proud of that fact, but the past is the past. I quickly cut the word out of my dialect and have not used it since. Now Josh has done this quite a bit since I’ve worked with him. Of course he’s joking, and I normally just tell him to fuck off and stop it, but this time things just kept piling up. After bickering for a minute or two, as Ray had stepped away for a minute, Josh squared up again. Normally I just mock him and tell him to stand down, but again- you can only poke a sleeping lion so much before it strikes. This time I didn’t hold back, and instantly went for his throat. I felt my hands wrap around his skin, as Ray came back, yelling what was going on. He blamed Josh, knowing that I don’t normally go aggressive like that, and I moved off to fundraise away from Josh; I needed to cool off. Then the rain began, and we moved under some scaffolding.

As the rain really started coming down in buckets, we continued attempting to stop people. I managed to cool off by the point, mostly thanks to the multiple dogs that walked by me, that I managed to pet, as well as chat with their owners/walkers briefly, before they went onward; Animals always help me calm down. Josh ended up signing one more, and as I came to congratulate him, he asked if I was good, and apologized. I told him I was fine, and we were good. Josh ended up leaving a bit early, leaving Ray and I to fund raise for a bit by ourselves before we headed home. I honestly had a good heart to heart with Ray, about how I felt I was doing at this job. The honest truth is that I don’t think I am built to be a fundraiser. I’m just too nice. Ray said that he can’t seem to put his finger on what I’m missing yet, and he wished that there was someone who matched my personality more in the office, that I could get advice from. Unfortunately at the moment, there isn’t anyone, but he said that we would continue to work to help me improve. He also mentioned that I’m not on the boss’s radar at all, since I’m part time, which really gave me comfort. I want to leave this job on my terms.

Finally I pulled out my umbrella and we headed off of site. I took the 2 down to 42nd, then transferred to the A and took that all the way back home. For the rest of the night, I’ve just been cooling down, playing some Persona 5, and I just ate some dinner about an hour ago. It’s just hitting past 12 now, so I really need to get ready and go to sleep, so I can be rested for tomorrow. I really need my luck to turn around, because as it stands, I don’t know what I’m going to make of my life. I’m still waiting to hear back from two of those jobs though, so here’s hoping good things are coming my way in June. God knows I need something right to happen, after such a rough April and an incredibly shitty May.

Until next time,


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