Well It “Looks Like Rain”, But “Everything’s Gonna Be Alright”, Right? (5/21/19)

So today was another bust at work. I came in prepped to have a better day, but I still can’t seem to find the right footing in canvasing. Now I woke up today just as normal- getting up, showering, getting ready, and heading to work at 9PM; making it to Dialogue by 9:25. I said good morning to my team, and after our team meeting we headed to 14th and 1st. It’s a site that we’ve worked once before, to mixed results. But Ray swore by the site so I trusted him. Now we got a bit of a late start because we decided to grab a quick breakfast, which I was fine with. I got away with getting a student discount; buying a toasted plain bagel with cream cheese and orange juice for under $5. We got to site before 12 and the four of us started working. Well, my team leader had to leave for a bit because the ceiling in his apartment was leaking, so there were three of us working hard. Unfortunately, lunch came and went, and I was sitting at zero.

The team leader came back around the middle of lunch, and immediately started fundraising, because of the time he lost. We all honestly ended up starting to fund raise a bit before lunch ended, because Josh was the only one on board before lunch. Then a bit after our lunch break, our fourth team member, Jonathan, left because he wasn’t feeling well at all. So the three of us were left to get the job done. Josh did, racking up 2 for the day, Ray got 1, and I, well I got 0 again. Like yesterday. Loving that. I joked around with Josh, saying I was gonna get fired, but I am worried that I will be let go before I have another job lined up. I don’t want that to happen, but I’m worried it will, you know? Now I have fun at this job, and I enjoy the people I work with, but I really think I don’t have enough of a presence; enough persistence to get people to care. People look at me and think I’m a pushover, and walk right on by. It doesn’t matter if my pitch is good if people don’t want to hear me talk. I don’t know. I’m too stubborn to give up, but not good enough to get standards. What a time to be alive.

The day ended and I, well I went straight home. What I will say though, is that throughout the day I’ve been listening to my Discover Weekly on Spotify, and there’s some good songs on there. Now I don’t necessarily believe in fate and all of that, but when the first song played is “Everything’s Gonna Be Alright”, and the second song is “Feels Like Rain”, I’m really not sure what someone’s trying to say to me. Really good songs though. But really, it does feel like there are rain clouds hanging over me, and I keep hoping that my life is going to be okay; but right now I am just beyond stressed because of everything going on. I just want to be happy, but that seems like an impossible task at times; especially right now, when everything seems so uncertain. Is that rain, or are they just tears rolling down my cheeks? You can’t tell, and maybe that’s a good thing.

What I will say, is that when I got home, I immediately sat down and started playing Persona 5. Now it’s 4:36AM, and I have been playing the game since probably 7:30PM. I’ve been playing this game for a solid 8 or 9 hours at this point, and have enjoyed every minute of it. I am exhausted as hell now, but I’m not doing diddly squat tomorrow, so I’m good to sleep in; thank god. I really hope something good happens in my life though. Like I keep half expecting W to send me a letter, answering the one I sent her before we broke up, which arrived after we broke up, (a real fun letter to get I’m sure). But I know that she wants me to send the first one, and I don’t want to scare her even further away from me. For now, I am going to get ready for bed, and promptly pass out. We love staying up until 5 in the morning.

Until next time,


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