A Happy End to a Tough Day (Plus the End of a Really Good Book)(5/16/19)

So today I was surprised I wasn’t more tired when I woke up, but somehow I had some energy flowing through me, which I’m always grateful for. I got done everything I needed to, and left the house with just enough time to catch the train to work. When I made it to work, we had our normal meeting, and then after a few minutes of running through pitches, my team headed out to 14th and 8th. I remember going to that spot one other time, and I definitely was not a fan then, but this time around it was honestly a pretty good spot. We worked right next to the Google building, so we got to deal with some pretty decent people, along with many people coming by to take a picture of the building, which is whatever. On our way to site, I not only got an email from Green Olive telling me that they’ll let me know when to come in next week so I could take the next steps in, you know, getting a job, I also got an email from one of my old professors, and mentors, Stacie, who I had just told the night before that I signed with an Agent. It was a brief message, congratulating me on signing with an Agent, and telling me to keep her in the loop. Even though it was short, I was really glad to receive it, and it honestly felt really good. I feel like it’s just another confirmation that I’m on the right path, and even though I want to keep steamrolling ahead, I’m definitely on a solid pace, which is comforting; because let’s be honest, besides that my life is in shambles at the moment, and I am just trying to take things day by day.

Anyway, the day began and even though I was stopping people, I didn’t get anyone to sign up. By the time lunch rolled around, I was still sitting on a fat 0, and not feeling too great about myself, as per usual with this job, but I tried to shrug it off as the four of us on my team headed to get some lunch. I don’t remember the name of the place, but it was an Asian restaurant, which was offering a lunch special for $10; We love ourselves a good deal. I ended up getting this pork dish that, while there wasn’t too much else besides pork in the dish, tasted absolutely amazing. Like damn it gave me the energy to rock and roll and keep on moving. After enjoying a solid lunch, we paid the bill and it was back to site for the final three hours. Before lunch we had only picked up one, so the goal was to pick up seven by the end of the day. Between the four of us it was definitely doable, just difficult.

After another hour or so of zero luck, I told Ray how I’ve been feeling. I always have people on the streets tell me that I’m so sweet! That I’m perfect for this job! But I’ve realized that in all honesty, I am the fundraiser that the public wants to talk to; because I’m the one who, when they say they have somewhere to be, will just let them go. I’m not aggressive enough, and they like to be able to just say no and go on with their lives, ignoring the terrible shit going on in this world. And I get it, but the fundraisers who actually get shit done are the ones who are pushy; who don’t take no for an answer. So Ray told me that what I need to start doing, is to stop being so understanding of people and their problems. “I can’t do this.” “Why not?” “I’m broke.” “No you’re not. Let’s save a kid.” And honestly, it started working. It’s still something that I have trouble with; I am way to considerate and understanding of people’s excuses, and it’s something that I think I’ll only be able to cut through and call out with time. But soon enough I was a bit pushier and I got a signup. Now this was a woman named Gina, a woman who works with breast cancer patients and lives on Long Island, and she made my day, honestly. She was an absolute pleasure to talk to, and was willing to put her extra money into saving a kid, and damn did it make me smile. With that new found confidence, I pushed through to the end of the day, unable to get one more, but feeling like I finally made some progress.

On my way home, I took out The Catcher in the Rye, only to realize how close I was to being finished with the book. As the train arrived at 175th, I made up my mind as I got back into my apartment to just sit down and finish it; I only had a chapter or two left. Now I’m not sure if any of you has read The Catcher in the Rye, I’m sure you have, because it is a classic, but the story really made me think. Like the protagonist is such a tragic and complex character, who continues to screw himself over, as he tries to push away everyone and everything in his life. Such a fantastic story; I understand why W enjoyed it so much. It just makes me sad though, because I can’t discuss the story with her now. She was the one who recommended I read it, and I can’t tell her how much I enjoyed it. I mean I know I’m going to write about it in the letter I send her, (which I pray is not a bad idea, but either way Imma do it), but it’s not the same. There are times when I really wish I could talk to her again like we used to, but of course there’s nothing that I can do about that now. It sucks, but it’s reality. I really wish that things get better soon, because I’m just so tired of feeling this way. I know it’s healthy, but I’m tired of waiting for something to happen; if something’s going to happen, then happen already. Please. Let’s hope for a better, brighter tomorrow. I need it.

Until next time,


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