The Path to Mending a Broken Heart: Day 6- It’s My Day Off, How Am I Still Stressed? (5/8/19)

So I wrote last night’s blog earlier today, just so I could get it out of the way and stay on track with these things, and honestly after this entire day, I haven’t done too much, and yet I’m still anxious about the future. Maybe that’s because I’ve had way too much free time to just think about how scary and uncertain my future is; I’m not sure. I’ve tried to drown away the thoughts in my head with Youtube video after Youtube video, but it hasn’t helped in the slightest. It’s now 12:18 and I gotta be up early as hell tomorrow for work, and I’m still stressed after wasting the day away. I don’t even know what to say anymore except “Fuck.” God I hope tomorrow’s a better day.

Anyways, today happened. After writing the blog post, I got ready for the day and prepped my room for my self-tape audition. To be honest with you I’m not sure if I wrote the blog post before or after I did the self-tape, but let’s move on. My friend Amanda came over at around 2 or 2:30 to be my reader. After a bit of confusion on how to get into my building, we were inside and cooking with gas. Even though we were filming three separate scenes, the entire thing took about an hour tops to be honest with you. I was impressed by how quickly we got everything done. The second scene was by hard the hardest to get done, taking me the most takes to get right, mostly because there was one sentence,  which was “technically Homecoming is an outdated tradition rooted in a deeply problematic patriarchal social structure, but still…” Like seriously, there are so many long words in there I could barely get my mouth around them all. And seriously, try saying “deeply problematic patriarchal social structure” three times fast. Like what a goddamn mouth-full. But we got it all done and we said our goodbyes as Amanda had to go to work. As I went to upload my audition videos, I realized that I hadn’t slated correctly, since they wanted my name, where I’m located, my agent, and my height, so I had to go back and film myself saying everything before I would be good to go. Finally I sent off the videos to my Agent and that was that. I really hope I get a callback for the show, because it seems like it would be a really good experience; plus it’s a Netflix series regular role, which is kinda huge. No matter what though, I had fun doing it. After we finished, I eventually ordered food from Pick&Eat because I was starving, and have spent the rest of the day playing League.

As the night has been coming to a close, I decided to check GroupMe to see how the rest of my team did today. I open the app only to find a message from my team leader, Ray simply saying “Disappointed in you bro smh”, which he sent to me at 11:15AM. I assumed he thought I was supposed to come in to work today and didn’t but it’s pretty common knowledge that I don’t work Wednesday’s, so I have no idea to be honest with you. Either way, I don’t appreciate having this random extra stress added onto my day. I’m stressed enough about life as is; I don’t need people to be pulling this type of shit. I feel like everything’s about to change pretty dramatically in the next month. Maybe I’m thinking into it too much, but if I’m fired from Emma’s Torch, finally put in my two weeks and quit DialogueDirect, and then start working at a new restaurant, I mean damn; What a switch. Again, maybe I’m looking too far into this, but this uncertainty about what my next job will be is giving me MAJOR anxiety. Plus the fact that W and I broke up, so I don’t have this person in my life to help me and keep me sane is definitely not helping. To be fair, I do have Maggie, which helps a lot, and also to be fair, I should go to a therapist, but I don’t have the money at ALL for that, so yeah no thanks. God I hope the days get better and the sun finally starts shining, because all I’m seeing right now are dark clouds.

Until next time,


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