So I was going to originally write this last night before I went to bed, but I was going over my lines for the self-tape audition I’m sending in, and forgot to do it before I passed out. So here we are! New day, new me! Now then, yesterday. So I woke up, after getting seven hours of sleep more or less, and got ready for the day. Now I was supposed to get free breakfast today, but I forgot to tell Edwin what to get me, so here I am just sitting on the subway heading to work, after showering and getting ready for the day, and I don’t even get my free breakfast today. But it is what it is. I walked in and said hello to my team, as my team leader, Ray came in; seemingly in a pissy mood. One of my coworkers Adriis was actually in today, after being gone for the past three or four days of work; I knew that Ray wanted her gone, which was shown when Adriis went into Edwin’s (the boss btw) office with Ray to basically get ripped a new one. But that’s not my story to tell. My story is that for some reason, my anxiety was really spiking today. I don’t know if I was relapsing and missing Elle more today, but it especially hit me once we got to the field. I bought a croissant from Prett that had cheese and tomatoes in it, but that only held my appetite for so long. So after standing around for a good two hours, the amount of people walking by me; ignoring my very existence, got to me. Even after I ate lunch, which was Prett’s balance bowl or whatever it’s called; it has salmon, mango, avocado, quinoa, cranberries, and spinach in it. So damn good; I was still unnerved and frustrated with how everything has been going. My life has felt like a joke to be honest with you. I even got an email from my manager as Emma’s Torch, telling me that my 90 day review is finally happening, and that it’s scheduled for next Saturday. There’s a portion which I have to fill out, and then a portion she fills out, critiquing my performance. Aka I have a feeling I’m going to be fired. I don’t know, she’s seemed to have a vendetta against me for a while now, and I’m prepped for it to finally come to fruition honestly. You’ll hear more about that from me next Saturday of course, but for obvious reasons, it made my anxiety spike even harder.
However, the day began to change as bubbles floated past me. I turned to find a kid in a stroller laughing and pointing a bubble gun at people and firing it. All it did was release a bunch of soap bubbles into the air, and it instantly made me feel better. I don’t know why, but just watching this genuine joy coming from a kid got to me. And listen, I love bubbles. It felt peaceful just watching them float by me and into the atmosphere. To make the day even better, apparently someone didn’t pick up their order from McDonald’s, so this guy gave a few of us the four coffee drinks that were probably going to be tossed otherwise. The one I got had what I assume was coffee, chocolate, caramel, bits of chocolate chunks, and a bunch of whipped cream; aka a lot of sugar that I desperately needed. Even though I still didn’t get one as the day came to a close, I was still having more fun. There’s this new girl who is on her second week that Ray has already given up on, to be honest with you. She is quiet and meeker than the rest of us, but I can tell she’s trying to improve; and she is, slowly but surely. So even though I didn’t get one, I still tried to help her get better, however I could.
Finally the day ended and I made my way home. When I got inside my apartment, the internet still wasn’t working, so I played some Minecraft for a few hours before ordering some food, unplugging the router and modem, and picking up my food at Pick&Eat, before getting back home, plugging both back in, and hoping for the best. Somehow by the grace of God the internet actually came back on, so I was able to watch videos while I ate my dinner. However, after wasting enough time, I dove in and started memorizing the sides for my self-tape audition. It’s an open call for a new Netflix show called I’m Not Okay With This. I even bought the original graphic novel on Amazon via Kindle, just so I could read through it to see if I could get a feel for the character I’m auditioning for, and for the rest of the story. And I gotta say, it is fucking dark. Like holy moly. Anyway, I spent the next three hours memorizing the three scenes that I had sides for, and finally passed out. Tomorrow (today?) is a new day.
Until next time,