Today I woke up, knowing that I had to go to work. I may not want to go, but hey, if I don’t go, I don’t pay the bills. Of course, I am going to be hopefully starting a new job in the upcoming weeks, but well that doesn’t help me at the moment, does it? I made sure to pack my bag the night before, remembering sun-tan lotion, because I didn’t feel like getting burnt to a crisp like I was on Thursday. I woke up before 8, but even though the wifi was not working for some reason, I really didn’t want to get out of bed. Instead I stayed in bed, lying there breathing until I had to get up and shower to actually get ready for the day. I hopped in the shower, quickly got myself cleaned up, got dressed and got ready for the day. I knew that today was going to be harder, because up until this point I would just spend my work days talking to Elle during my lunch break, and then of course talking to her after work as well, but obviously that isn’t really a thing anymore. As I got in the shower, I glanced at the shampoo she left next to my shower, but glanced away quickly enough. I cannot change the past. All I can do is keep moving.
I made it onto the subway and headed towards work, bringing out The Catcher in the Rye so I could do some light reading on my way to 42nd St. When I finally got to work, I greeted some colleagues before heading into the break area where our boss Edwin had bought us all breakfast. Nothing crazy, just bagels and cream cheese, but it was something. That also meant I didn’t need to buy lunch today, which I was happy about. After the team meeting, Edwin stopped me and asked if he owed me anything. I reminded him that he still owed me a free breakfast from last Thursday, and was on my way. Aka: free breakfast tomorrow, too! We got on site and the day began. Honestly, it went by pretty quickly, with me picking up two hard fought signups by the end of the day. I even won myself ANOTHER free breakfast! Gotta love saving money on breakfast. During lunch, I ended up eating with the rest of my team at a local deli place, and as we sat there, just bringing out my book to do a little reading. I need to finish Catcher man, I am way too slow of a reader.
Don’t get me wrong, it did feel a little weird not going off and doing my own thing and just talking to Elle for an hour, but it was nice hanging out with my group. Finally the day ended, after a bit of rain towards the end, and I headed home at last, making sure to do a little bit of reading during my trip. I’ve spent the remainder of the night playing League, first by myself and then with Mags, taking a break just to pick up some Subway for dinner. I need to go shopping at some point, but today was not the day to do it. I also got my meal prep Tupperware! I can’t wait to hopefully put it to good use. I also realized as I’ve been writing these blogs, that Elle or one of her friends may be reading these. It’s unlikely, because even though they all know I have a blog, I really haven’t been consistent, and haven’t written a post before this since mid-March. But on the off-chance they do- Hi! Kinda weird to talk to you all via my blogs, but here we are. I really hope I don’t come off of these posts as this pathetic person mourning a relationship that really only lasted four months. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed every damn minute of the relationship, but I know I fucked up, and I wish I could change things, but I can’t.
I do hope Elle and I can become friends again, or even go on another date at some point, but right now I’m not trying to push anything. That’s how I lost her this time around. I’m going to give Elle her space, and reach out when I think the time is right. Aka I’m going to reach out when she comes back to school for the summer. I’m worried that if I send a letter, she won’t check her mailbox, and then it will just sit there, but I guess I’m gonna have to take that chance; because if you all couldn’t tell how I feel already, I really think she’s worth it. Sorry to get sappy at the end there. Tomorrow is another day at work. Time to keep living my life.
Until next time,