Unlike yesterday, I woke up today unsure of exactly I wanted to do with my day. All I had planned was to deliver the clothes the guy who stayed in my room before me left behind to Goodwill, but after that– nothing. No plans. So I woke up today at noon, but felt very lazy, and didn’t end up rolling out of bed until almost 2:30PM. You know how some days your bed just feels so good, that you don’t want to leave it? Yeah, it was one of those days. After finally getting myself up and out of bed, I hopped in the shower, and got ready for the day. I debated heating up some leftovers before leaving, but I decided to just go, in case I wanted to buy some lunch instead. Right before I left, I saw something that caught my eye on Twitter though. The mega jackpot has now hit 1 billion dollars, and the draw was tonight.
Now I don’t do much in the way of gambling, more so because I don’t trust myself– I think it’s fun to take risks like that, but to make sure I don’t lose all my money, I only buy scratch-offs when I have a spare dollar or two. But listen, 1 billion dollars is actually so much fucking money. I mean, I know I wasn’t going to win, but it’s only $2 for one lottery ticket; I might as well try. Because think about it, if I won? What would I even do with that much money? As I walked down to the Goodwill store, I started thinking about the “What if…”, and then I realized- I wouldn’t want that kind of money. Now, I know a lot of people just say that, and don’t get me wrong, if I began making a ton of money and ended up having a sum that massive, that’s one thing, but to just one day have that much money? Honestly no thank you. I feel like everyone’s perception of you would so rapidly change. To be honest with you, if I won that sum of money, I would still live in my apartment, paying $1k rent a month. I would still work at Emma’s Torch. I would still live my daily life, gaming and seeing movies with AMC’s A list. Yeah I would help my family out and I wouldn’t have to worry about money basically ever to be fair, but would it be worth it? I feel alone at times in the city, but I wouldn’t want to all of a sudden have a shit ton of people trying to hang out with me and be my friend, solely because I have money. I hate it when people are fake and when people use me; I trust people so easily and do my best to be kind to them and treat everyone around me with respect, so if someone doesn’t give me that? I don’t know, it just rubs me the wrong way. I really think that’s just too much fame and attention all at once for me to handle. Now don’t get me wrong, I bought a ticket, but it still really made me think.
Now I made my way through the streets carrying a large bag of clothes, made it to Goodwill, dropped it in the donation bin, and headed right on back out. I was glad to just get in and get out, and not have to ask anyone where to put the clothes, or have anyone ask me what I was doing. Nice, simple, easy. I headed back out, and began searching for local shops that sold lottery tickets. After stopping by one and deciding to step back out, I ended up finding a small convenience store, where I bought one ticket for $2. The guy asked me how old I was, (because I probably look 16 to him), and he wished me luck. I ended up not buying any lunch and headed straight home, where I heated up the leftovers from last night, and began chowing down as I played some League. After a game, I debated what I wanted to do with the rest of the day. It was 5PM already, and I saw there was a showing of The Hate U Give at 6:15PM. However, I was already queued in a second game, so I told myself if the next game ends very quickly, I’ll go see the movie. Luckily, even though I lost the next game, it ended with a good 30 minutes to go before the movie started, so I quickly bought my ticket and headed back outside to catch the subway.
The subway arrived mere minutes after I arrived, so I was able to make it to the movie theater with a solid 15 minutes before the movie started. Now this theater is in an area which is definitely more black than white, so I was not surprised to see the turnout of the film. It sends such a powerful message, especially with what’s been going on in the past few years. I’m glad I was able to experience the movie with a large audience of people who I’m sure resonated with this movie; the anger, the hatred towards racism aimed at them, and towards police brutality. The fear the feel just for being black. It’s not something I have ever experienced, nor is is something I think I will ever have to experience. And I will never understand the pain they feel, but I can try and be compassionate and do all I can to listen to their voices.
This movie gave such a detailed experience of what it’s like, being a black person in a white man’s world. Being the victims of racism and police brutality. It was heartbreaking, but not surprising, which is even worse. I felt so angry as the police would become more violent, solely because the suspect was black. I was so invested in the lives of these characters, as I watched them struggle with the police, and with gang violence. These are two things that I have never had to deal with, and I am grateful for that. I know that I have white privilege. It’s not something I chose to have, just like I didn’t choose to be born white. Just like black people never chose to be black. We’re all people and should be treated as such, but if someone ever says that they don’t see color, that would be one of the biggest lies of all. If you don’t see color, then you are ignoring the trial and tribulations, the pain and suffering that people of different skin colors and backgrounds from you have felt. White people have the privilege to act that way, because we are white. Maybe everything I say is wrong, and I have no idea what I am talking about, but this is how I feel. This movie is so important, and I really believe that everyone- EVERYONE- should go and see it. If it make you uncomfortable because it dives right in on dark topics? Even more of a reason to see it, so you can work to understand what is going on, and broaden your view. That’s all I’m going to say about The Hate U Give. See the movie. Please.
After 2.5 hours of a rollercoaster ride of emotions that was that movie, I finally walked out of the theater and headed back home. It was getting late, so I decided to grab some Subway and have that for dinner. As I headed towards the store, (Restaurant? Fast food joint? Not sure what to call Subway), I gave my friend a call and we talked as I bought my food and headed back home. I spent the rest of my night playing League and eating my dinner. I also checked my lotto numbers– was VERY off, but that’s okay. As I said before, I really wouldn’t want to win that amount of money anyway. It is now 1:02AM, and I really need to get some sleep. I work tomorrow at 10AM, and Sunday at the same time, so I definitely want to get some sleep. Also! Today’s musical theater pick was Shrek the Musical. I’ve seen the show on Netflix probably 2 or 3 times, maybe even more. Shrek’s song “Who I’d Be” is still one of my favorite musical theater songs, and I had it in my book for a long time, before removing it recently, mostly because that is not a role I would EVER get cast in. But still, it is such a fun musical, and the song got me a part in Sister Act my final semester in college, (though to be fair, they probably felt like they had to cast me because I was graduating and they never gave me any parts, so that definitely played into it, but the show was still a blast so I really don’t care), so definitely a worthwhile listen.
Until next time,