You know, I hoped today would start better than it did. But sometimes shit happens. Today I woke up, and was curious whatever happened to that girl on OKCupid, only to find out that she had either unmatched with me, or blocked me. And now I don’t know this girl–never met her before, and we only talked for a few days, but damn. I get it, people’s minds change, but all I asked her was if she was free this Sunday, and all of a sudden she blocks me? Seems a bit excessive, but I guess it’s her loss at the end of the day. As I finally got up, I had a good three hours before I had to leave for work, so I jumped on League. After losing a ranked game (actually not sure if I won or loss, but either way, it doesn’t matter), I played a shorter game, since I had a little extra time, to have one of my roommates knock on the door. He had someone with him, who could at last shut my window. After some muscle and elbow grease, my window was at last shut. After the other guy left, my roommate told me that the other roommates had been complaining that my room smelled like a locker room. Now I am not the neatest person in the world, but I never thought that it was ever that bad. To be fair, I leave my clothes in the floor, because I’m a lazy piece of shit, but still, I didn’t think it was that big a deal, until now. I just felt embarrassed, because I don’t like people thinking poorly of me, or thinking that I smell. I don’t. I dunno, I know it’s not really that big of a deal, and it’s an easy fix, but it definitely didn’t feel good to be told that. After being told that, I had to get ready for work, and so I set to it.
I hopped in the shower, got dressed, and left for the train station. After the usual train ride, I finally made it to Emma’s Torch by 4:15, (I was supposed to be there at 4:30), and as I walked in, my manager exclaimed “Michael! There you are!” She thought that she told me to come at 4PM and was wondering why I was late. I’m never late. I found out later that she emailed me, asking where I was, only to send another email saying that she realized that I was supposed to be there at 4:30, and was to disregard the email. Once I finally arrived and clocked in, we began prepping for tonight– it was a private event with 45 people, only eating appetizers and drinking. Nothing crazy. What we did have to do, however, was move all of the chairs into the office in the back, as well as some of the tables, which was a pain in the ASS. I’ve been doing push-ups every night before I go to sleep, so my arms were already sore; adding this on top of it did not help. After prepping, and being lectured for not being fast enough, or how I was still eating, etc etc, (as you can see, I was in the best of moods…), the guests finally began to arrive. Luckily the event itself went off without a hitch, and the guests were extremely happy with the food. The party was full of a bunch of older people, so even though it was supposed to last until 9:30, everyone actually left by 8:30. There was also a woman there who happened to be blind, and had her seeing eye dog with her. The pupper was doing such a good job! I’m so proud.
I remember in one of my acting classes, we learned how to do impediments, which included drug impediments, like how to act drunk and high, but it also included physical impediments, like blindness. I remember we spent a good hour or more going through a blind exercise, and it was one of the hardest things I had to do in that class. It was the first time that I actually cried, because I was scared. Everyone in the class were all wearing blindfolds, and then half of us took the blindfold off, helping the other half still with the blindfolds move around, and then go through “I feel…” statements. Basic acting stuff. I was in the first group who took off the blindfolds first, and I felt very in control up to that point. When everyone was blind, I wanted to help everyone out, because we were in the same boat, and we had to work together to get through this. When I took off the blindfold, all I wanted to do was help those with blindfolds. Since I could see, I wanted to do whatever I could to help those who couldn’t see. But then the roles were reversed, and people with blindfolds on still took them off, and the first group who got to take the blindfolds off had to put them back on. That’s when things got harder for me. It was awful, going from everyone not being able to see, to me regaining my sight, to having it taken away from me again. Needing others around me to help me find a seat, and help me maneuver through the room. I have never liked asking for help. Not when my mom died, not when I was sad, not when I was going through hard times. I’ve always been of the mindset that I don’t want to burden others with my shit, even though I would happily take some of the weight off of their shoulders, with whatever they’re dealing with. It’s not a healthy way of thinking, and it’s something I have been working on fixing, but I still have a long way to go. But in that moment, now two years ago I believe, I was helpless, and I broke down. I had never cried before in Acting class, but this hit me, and it hit me hard.
I bring this up because I thought it was interesting to watch someone who is actually blind, and what they do; their mannerisms. Not in a creepy way or anything, but just as someone who was curious. The woman mostly stayed by herself, sitting with her dog and listening, I assume, to music or something (she put headphones in, maybe to drown out all the noise around her). I offered her a drink, and when I brought it to her, I made sure to touch her hand with mine, so she knew where the drink was. A very kind woman with a wonderful service dog. Finally the event ended and everyone went home, and we cleaned up before heading out ourselves. I finally made it back home at around 11PM, and spent the next 40 minutes making pasta and meatballs, mixing in frozen mixed veggies, tomatoes, and cheese. (with sauce, of course) I brought my dinner back to my room and chowed down, as I ended the night playing League with my sister. After she got off, I ended up talking to my friend on the phone again for a few hours, just being on the phone as we did our separate things. She’s going through a rough spot, and I just want to make sure she’s okay.
Finally it’s time for me to get some sleep. It’s 4:07 and I don’t work until Saturday. Who knows what’s in store for me. Also! Today is day 5 of the musical theater thing, and my pick was Merrily We Roll Along. That was my first college production, and it is still one of my favorite musicals. The score is fantastic, and the story is as beautiful as it is heartbreaking to watch. Now then, goodnight!
Until next time,